I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
