Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
