She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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