You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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