Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
