i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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