I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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