Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
