Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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