I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize