I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
