so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
