thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
