Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
