Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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