meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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