hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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