i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
