He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
