ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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