I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize