Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
