is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
