i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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