How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
...so i touched it.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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