it was like eating out sand paper
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
