Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
