Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
