Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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