things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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