dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
