Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Four minutes until I can fart!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
