hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
