I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
