this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
