haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize