i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
