I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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