Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
