she was so not down for the gang bang
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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