I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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