At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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