Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
