I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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