My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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