new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
