you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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