So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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