I want to walk on stilts...naked
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
