Fine. I'll sleep in my office
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize