Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
