woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
