I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
