We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
