you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
