I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
