last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
