In the future we'll all be gay
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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