how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
