i would punch a child for taco bell
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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