Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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