I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
