just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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