I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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