He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
