Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
