I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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