you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize