awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
