I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
