I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
