I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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