@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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