I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
