also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
