i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
