Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My dick has a subreddit
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
