I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
