You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
