I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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