My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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