I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The beer is more important than you right now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
