I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
