I just pynch a tree in the face
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
