And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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